i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
