The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
