how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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