Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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