90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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