Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
