Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
