I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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