Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
