One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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