I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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