sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
