marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
