I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
