it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
