Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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