Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
