apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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