Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
