I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
