i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
