omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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