i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
