why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
