When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
