Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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