Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
