I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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