Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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