I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
