nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
