Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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