found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
