i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
