How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you didnt know i had herpes?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
