does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
