I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just googled if crying burns calories
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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