I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
