Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
