I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
