Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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