My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
