I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
