I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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