just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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