I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
