it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
