1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
