How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
