There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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